Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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