Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
