Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
