It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
