this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
