Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize