dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
