Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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