Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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