i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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