I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
