I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
