if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
