just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize