Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
