So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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