Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
