my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
