Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
