My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
