Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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