so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We smell like vodka and hangover
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