You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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