How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
there is glitter all over my balls
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize