That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
