Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
