Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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