How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize