i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
