I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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