I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
