Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
