dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
