Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
