my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
