So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
