This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
