I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
