dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
