i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
