Only a mothe r could love this liver
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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