I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
