just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize