i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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