No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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