I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize