dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
