Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.

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(260): View more from Indiana

We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.

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(614): View more from Ohio

So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night

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(303): View more from Colorado

Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds

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(613): View more from Ontario

who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin

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(804): View more from Virginia

I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...

(919): View more from North Carolina

it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.

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