yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Terrible idea I love it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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