Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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