I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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