Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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