You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
