so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We're too hungover to prance.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
