atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
