he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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