Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
