a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i've created a new STD.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize