I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
