Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
