i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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