I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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