I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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