Can i not drive my cunt home
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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