Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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