are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
