I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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