hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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