I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
