the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she told me i tasted like america
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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