Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you will always have a special place in my vag
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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