saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
