cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
