Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
