you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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