garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
