tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
