Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
