I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Drunk is a universal language darling
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
