I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize