When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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