all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
