he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I wear drunk well.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
