Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
