No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
