I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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