Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Btw I puked in your glovebox
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
