Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
