you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
