I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
