Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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