barbara walters just said penis...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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