i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize