Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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