Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
