she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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