apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
