Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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