Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
