Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
