Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
