I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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