How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
