The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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