Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
