I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
