I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
