I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
