I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
