Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize