How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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