there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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