***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
