i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
