just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
