once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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