So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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