I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
