I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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