its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
