Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
