My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
