he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
