maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
