I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
